Self Sabotage

Self-sabotage occurs in a variety of ways. We set up obstacles in our paths by making choices which lead us down paths with obstacles. Some of these are choices we would have changed or would not have made if we’d thought about them. These are commitments which we can easily rearrange or remove. Some are not. One of my obstacles are my children. They still need care and attention. I wouldn’t have made a different choice if I’d been given a chance. This is still an obstacle, but I wouldn’t change it if I could. So, I make a plan which includes all the things they need. Its about working smarter, not harder. I am fortunate to have a partner who is happy to fill in when I need him to. Your mileage may differ. Put in a support system which you can rely on. Support systems are a necessity in this day and age. Actually, they always have been. We actually have bought into a lie that says they are no longer necessary or that they don’t exist. This couldn’t be farther from the truth. Unless you live in a bubble, which I very much doubt, there are people you can tap into. If there isn’t, then it is time to change that. Communication and commitment are key to getting and maintaining a strong support system. Speak your needs clearly. Those that truly care will jump at the chance to say yes or no, but here’s what I can do. Both are perfectly adequate answers and will bring you closer to your goal.

For obstacles which must be rearranged or removed. I must ask myself how important is this to me? or How does this make me feel to have this in my life? If you answered the first question with “not very”, then the next step is plain. It must go. I am a firm believer in leaving the world a better place, so I would make a plan to make either an easy transferal or a decent burial. Sometimes this is difficult. People don’t want to see us go and we have difficulty saying goodbye. Either way work with integrity and compassion for all parties. Whether they have been good to you or not, you and they deserve that much. Stay focused on your objective. It must go. Stick to your plan. Don’t let the fear of letting go get in your way.  If you find yourself following old patterns, don’t give up. Just start again.

Our belief that discomfort is bad leads us to want to avoid it or at least “buffer” against it. Pain is pain, to us. We don’t really think about it because just thinking about it is painful. So, we avoid actions even if we think we’ll be better off with the change because we want to avoid the pain of change. Or we allow ourselves to become distracted when the process of change becomes difficult or uncomfortable. Finally, we quit altogether, and we tell ourselves, it just can’t happen. Well, we’re right there. It doesn’t just happen. We have to make it happen. Ultimately, we find ourselves not even trying or making goals because we have decided it’s not worth it or we are not worth it. All, because of a belief that discomfort is bad.

Checking in with yourself is a valuable habit to acquire. Asking yourself, how do I feel about this, values your feelings and teaches us to trust our instincts. Honesty is paramount. If we don’t tell ourselves the truth, how will we know if others do? So, keep digging. It’s meant to be uncomfortable. If we can learn that discomfort is not necessarily bad, we will make tremendous strides. Sometimes discomfort is merely the breaking through to a better belief system.