Bad Times

 

Bad times

 

Sometimes bad things happen. Sometimes they just seem to happen and sometimes they’ve been slinking around corners, waiting for the worst possible time to throw our life in turmoil. As cliché as it sounds, I truly believe they happen for a reason and no, we don’t always get to know what that reason is, but we do get to decide our response to it. What we do with these experiences is what is important. How we treat ourselves is of the utmost importance. Sometimes we get to be our only friend. If we can’t be our own friend, what makes us think we would know it in someone else? If it’s appropriate to grieve, then grieve. If it’s appropriate to be angry, be angry. Just don’t stay there. Keep in mind, though, there’s a difference between grieving and wallowing and a difference between anger and lashing out. Healthy grieving allows our bodies to release the pain, so we don’t hang onto it and allow it to kick us in the butt later. Healthy anger should be used so we can pick ourselves up again, learn from the experience, and move on. And no, this doesn’t happen overnight. Bad times are growth times. They are times to say, wow, I wasn’t expecting that to happen. How did it happen? Do I want it to happen again? What can I change to make sure it doesn’t happen again? How can I heal? The process of answering these questions promotes growth.

Now most people don’t just go through this process as unemotional as it sounds and that’s what the process is all about. Getting to the place where we respond in acceptance and that is what takes time. During these times we must be gentle with ourselves at the same time as we are strong for ourselves. During bad times, we learn compassion by allowing our pain and learning from it while being the guardian of ourselves. Just because we are in pain doesn’t mean we let ourselves be walked over by those who would take advantage. This includes us. How many of us find ourselves ranking on ourselves for allowing it to happen? This is not the time. Forgiveness truly starts at home. Bad times usually have a component of inattention on our part. This does not mean we are to blame. It means we made a choice that put us there. Once again, no blame; just acknowledgement. “Ok, I didn’t express fully that I this behavior is not ok. I’ve said it now. Will you continue? Yes? Then we’re done.” Absence of clarity in language is one of the most common misuse of language experienced in relationship.

In the case of the unexpected, we look at the what led up to the “unexpected”. Sometimes we can see a pattern developing. Once again, we don’t blame ourselves or others, we simply make different choices, so it doesn’t happen again. If I lose money on a financial decision, I do more research before I lay my money down. If our health becomes a concern, we step back, find out what is do-able and proceed in another direction.

Bad times can be painful; but they don’t have to be debilitating. If we learn from them, we will come through them greater and stronger than we ever thought possible-if we do the work. Easy, no; but well worth it. You’re not alone. Not only do you have it within you to overcome the bad times, but there are life coaches, therapists, family, and friends that are there to help if you ask.

So ask.

 

Sometimes bad things happen. Sometimes they just seem to happen and sometimes they’ve been slinking around corners, waiting for the worst possible time to throw our life in turmoil. As cliché as it sounds, I truly believe they happen for a reason and no, we don’t always get to know what that reason is, but we do get to decide our response to it. What we do with these experiences is what is important. How we treat ourselves is of the utmost importance. Sometimes we get to be our only friend. If we can’t be our own friend, what makes us think we would know it in someone else? If it’s appropriate to grieve, then grieve. If it’s appropriate to be angry, be angry. Just don’t stay there. Keep in mind, though, there’s a difference between grieving and wallowing and a difference between anger and lashing out. Healthy grieving allows our bodies to release the pain, so we don’t hang onto it and allow it to kick us in the butt later. Healthy anger should be used so we can pick ourselves up again, learn from the experience, and move on. And no, this doesn’t happen overnight. Bad times are growth times. They are times to say, wow, I wasn’t expecting that to happen. How did it happen? Do I want it to happen again? What can I change to make sure it doesn’t happen again? How can I heal? The process of answering these questions promotes growth.

Now most people don’t just go through this process as unemotional as it sounds and that’s what the process is all about. Getting to the place where we respond in acceptance and that is what takes time. During these times we must be gentle with ourselves at the same time as we are strong for ourselves. During bad times, we learn compassion by allowing our pain and learning from it while being the guardian of ourselves. Just because we are in pain doesn’t mean we let ourselves be walked over by those who would take advantage. This includes us. How many of us find ourselves ranking on ourselves for allowing it to happen? This is not the time. Forgiveness truly starts at home. Bad times usually have a component of inattention on our part. This does not mean we are to blame. It means we made a choice that put us there. Once again, no blame; just acknowledgement. “Ok, I didn’t express fully that I this behavior is not ok. I’ve said it now. Will you continue? Yes? Then we’re done.” Absence of clarity in language is one of the most common misuse of language experienced in relationship.

In the case of the unexpected, we look at the what led up to the “unexpected”. Sometimes we can see a pattern developing. Once again, we don’t blame ourselves or others, we simply make different choices, so it doesn’t happen again. If I lose money on a financial decision, I do more research before I lay my money down. If our health becomes a concern, we step back, find out what is do-able and proceed in another direction.

Bad times can be painful; but they don’t have to be debilitating. If we learn from them, we will come through them greater and stronger than we ever thought possible-if we do the work. Easy, no; but well worth it. You’re not alone. Not only do you have it within you to overcome the bad times, but there are life coaches, therapists, family, and friends that are there to help if you ask.

So ask.

 

Sometimes bad things happen. Sometimes they just seem to happen and sometimes they’ve been slinking around corners, waiting for the worst possible time to throw our life in turmoil. As cliché as it sounds, I truly believe they happen for a reason and no, we don’t always get to know what that reason is, but we do get to decide our response to it. What we do with these experiences is what is important. How we treat ourselves is of the utmost importance. Sometimes we get to be our only friend. If we can’t be our own friend, what makes us think we would know it in someone else? If it’s appropriate to grieve, then grieve. If it’s appropriate to be angry, be angry. Just don’t stay there. Keep in mind, though, there’s a difference between grieving and wallowing and a difference between anger and lashing out. Healthy grieving allows our bodies to release the pain, so we don’t hang onto it and allow it to kick us in the butt later. Healthy anger should be used so we can pick ourselves up again, learn from the experience, and move on. And no, this doesn’t happen overnight. Bad times are growth times. They are times to say, wow, I wasn’t expecting that to happen. How did it happen? Do I want it to happen again? What can I change to make sure it doesn’t happen again? How can I heal? The process of answering these questions promotes growth.

Now most people don’t just go through this process as unemotional as it sounds and that’s what the process is all about. Getting to the place where we respond in acceptance and that is what takes time. During these times we must be gentle with ourselves at the same time as we are strong for ourselves. During bad times, we learn compassion by allowing our pain and learning from it while being the guardian of ourselves. Just because we are in pain doesn’t mean we let ourselves be walked over by those who would take advantage. This includes us. How many of us find ourselves ranking on ourselves for allowing it to happen? This is not the time. Forgiveness truly starts at home. Bad times usually have a component of inattention on our part. This does not mean we are to blame. It means we made a choice that put us there. Once again, no blame; just acknowledgement. “Ok, I didn’t express fully that I this behavior is not OK. I’ve said it now. Will you continue? Yes? Then we’re done.” Absence of clarity in language is one of the most common misuse of language experienced in relationship.

In the case of the unexpected, we look at the what led up to the “unexpected”. Sometimes we can see a pattern developing. Once again, we don’t blame ourselves or others, we simply make different choices, so it doesn’t happen again. If I lose money on a financial decision, I do more research before I lay my money down. If our health becomes a concern, we step back, find out what is do-able and proceed in another direction.

Bad times can be painful; but they don’t have to be debilitating. If we learn from them, we will come through them greater and stronger than we ever thought possible-if we do the work. Easy, no; but well worth it. You’re not alone. Not only do you have it within you to overcome the bad times, but there are life coaches, therapists, family, and friends that are there to help if you ask.

So ask.